"My letter to the Stern Show regarding "Mastertape Theatre" and the commercialization of satellite radio" by darkstern

dark stern:

10/2/2006


HOWARD,
The RANT....

(If you would like to skip this rant, skip down to "The Idea" below.)



Seriously dude what the fuck, thirteen commercial breaks during "Mastertape Theatre", more like "MasterRAPE Theatre". The content was great, don't get me wrong. But, your editors could have easily cut it up a little better. There was about three hours and forty minutes worth of show, of course the shows where a lot shorter at K-Rock because of the commercial breaks. So, here's what you could have done for us. Have a break every hour or even two, it's not like there is anything live going on and someone needs to take a shit or piss or eat.

For example:
Start: 6am
Break: 8am (or close)
Return: 8:10am
End: 10:00am (or close)

I cut out the commercials on my own recordings of the show so I can listen back to the show, pausing, rewinding, and fast forwarding if I choose. But no matter how little they are, I think commercials SUCK, breaks are fine, but commercials is something I was hoping to get rid of all together with Satellite radio. I listened to your K-Rock shows the way that I listen to the Sirius shows word for word from beginning to the end. The way you had to introduce us to the Satellite thing is by easing us into it. Sort of like fucking in the ass, you can't just jam the cock up the ass, you have to lube it and gently stick it in so eventually it feels good. But in the end dude, there is still fucking in the ass going on. That's what I disagree with and I do believe, I'm going to make a prediction here, that by year 3 of your contract there will be more longer commercial breaks and less show. First the breaks will become more frequent but short, like "MasterRAPE Theatre" was today. Then slowly but surely the breaks will get longer but splattered with bits and songs, sort of like now. But then eventually the commercials will become longer making the breaks longer because re-hashed bits and more songs will be played. We the listeners will continue to get slowly fucked until your contract is up and you can say, "See ya later suckers, fuck you!" I hear you talking up quite a game on the air but you have a lot of voices to listen too, even at Sirius, maybe more, but jesus christ man, get rid of the commercials all together.

If all I heard was song-bit-song during a break, that could be 10 minutes there and I'd be happy as shit. Maybe more of a break could be had if you did, song-several bits-song, songs being about 3 to 4 minutes long each, about 8 minutes total and a few bits could be another 5 minutes. All entertainment and about 13 minutes of a break. That's longer then now and more frickin entertaining. I can't stand being beaten in the head by ADS, I hate it.


The IDEA....

Have breaks like I described in the paragraph above. Then introduce an all ADS show. It would be about a half an hour and you could host it. Make it interesting and appealing and sponsors will eat it up. Better yet to enhance the deal devote one page on your site to all the ads featured in that days "SPONSOR SHOW". This is a way of letting your listeners know what they are getting. A half hour show starring Howard Stern, featuring all the Sponsors! The Web Site Page with links to the sponsors and maybe special coupons.



Can I tell ya quick story?...

Before you came to Sirius there where practically zero commercials. In fact I didn't hear any, except on Raw Dog which was the appeal of the service before you. I signed up 10/2004, I've now been listening to Sirius for 2 years. I used to listen to Jay Thomas and during his breaks you'd hear a loop of the same fucking tune, two to three minutes later he'd come back. Now since you came, commercials. The content is ok, but I got Sirius for you. I have two lifetime memberships. After you leave Sirius I know I still have my subscriptions until I die or Sirius goes belly-up. either way my logic was this, it will either cost me $779.40 for one radio for 5 years or $1198.80 for two for 5 years, or it will cost me $500.00 for one or $1000.00 for two for LIFE. I save $200.00 AND I NEVER PAY ANOTHER SUBSCRIPTION. This is great, but it is a gamble. What if you don't last 5 years, what if Sirius can't keep it up and folds, there is gamble in everything. It's worth it however to pay monthly.


So what's my point?
I am one of the reasons you exist now, maybe a small part of it, but I've already done my part for your 5 year tenure at Sirius. So I'd like to be heard, I'd like my two cents shoved up each of your nostrils. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE consider my suggestions for


NO MORE COMMERCIALS, AND TRULY MAKE IT,
NO MORE BULLSHIT!
Thank You!
prefer to be anonymous

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