Where is KC Armstrong?
At PrimeTimeUncensored: Author Samuel Bernstein Gets More than He Bargained For
--Gene Ross
Porn Valley- At this point it's unclear whether K.C. Armstrong has been offered the "Oscar-caliber" role to play Jenna Jameson which both Scarlet Johansson and Jessica Simpson have already turned down.
But Armstrong who does have a Tuesday night show on PrimeTimeUncensored, www.primetimeuncensored.com did invite the number one or number two girl in porn [depending whether you're a Jameson or Tera Patrick fan] to be on.
In this case it was Patrick, and Armstrong, anticipating the event, had a full size cardboard cutout of Patrick gracing his set. As it turned out, Armstrong, who tends to run his show like a garage, would have gotten more chitchat out of a jumper cable because Patrick didn't show.
The reasons as they were conveyed were that Patrick had just returned from a trip to Japan and was too exhausted to appear. Which didn't hamper Armstrong who managed to find- on very short notice- Evan Seinfeld and Patrick stand-ins, one could assume, from a bad lookalike contest.
But, judging from his reactions during an earlier interview from hell, author Samuel Bernstein wished he might have had a stunt double.
These are the events leading up to that:
A former Howard Stern acolyte, Armstrong, who subscribes to the theory that everyday's a party, swigged vodka out of a bottle that contained orange slices. Noting how he has a bipolar disorder, Armstrong also sampled Depakote as though it were a party favor, washing it down with the vodka. Where good times are concerned, Armstrong said he was for anything that would make you piss your pants and forget your name.
Still under the impression that Patrick was going to be on the show, Armstrong mentioned that Patrick had started out as a model while he, himself, had belonged to the Ford & Lipshitz agency which apparently booked him for his first gay d.p. If any of that is to be believed.
Armstrong and co-host Lisa Marie, doing her best impression of a biker chick, then got on a discussion about green shit. Armstrong said he was bothered because he took one the other day, while Lisa Marie recalled a diaper changing experience where she had been "traumatized by bright green poop."
"Maybe the baby was experimenting with asparagus in her ass," Armstrong suggested. Then to put a lighter spin on things, Armstrong informed his audience that he had broads on the way down to the studio with kegs coming. Though it sounded like Armstrong was more impressed by the fact that Evan Seinfeld might be in the studio.
Recalling Seinfeld's shower scene from the Oz TV show, Armstrong commented, "This guy's hog is huge- he rides a motorcycle. I'm sure he's got a side car for his penis."
Armstrong was curious whether Jewish men, by and large, have big cocks. Lisa Marie then offered some of her advanced theories which included Latin men and South American geography as it correlates to cock size.
"I'm feeling really homosexual about this conversation," remarked Armstrong as the exchange progressed. Armstrong then played a few minutes of a clip from "Queen of the Hood" a series that features brutal chick fights.
It's all about fists, dirt, blood, punches in the face and women who live in trailers in Chico, California. And, in one sequence, a fat broad gets beaten to a bloody pulp. And one caller-in said he'd fuck the fat chick, regardless.
"If you were with that fat chick there'd be no leftovers," Armstrong surmised, noting that he caters to the type of audience that gets off on this stuff.
"I hate when I'm banging my sister and she calls out my brother's name," continued Armstrong.
Bernstein, who was then introduced, shared his tales of medication and told Armstrong that it's almost the prerequisite of being a writer. Himself on anti-depressants, Bernstein said sex is fine but you have to remember to have it once you're on them.
Addressing the book Bernstein wrote which is titled Mr. Confidential [the history of that eponymous Hollywood gossip mag from the Fifties], Armstrong said Bernstein was an authority on celebrity scandals. An overlooked one being the fact that Paris Hilton has size 11 feet.
"And I heard Howard Hughes was a homo," chimed in Armstrong also of the opinion that Clark Gable had been gay.
"George Cukor gave him a blowjob once or twice," mused Bernstein but thought that wasn't enough evidence to put Gable in the homo category. Bernstein also recalled an untold story where actor Robert Mitchum walked into a Christmas party naked, put ketchup on his penis and allegedly asked, "Which one of you fags wants a hot dog?"
A female caller then told Armstrong he was a dick bag, wondering if he were wearing capri pants.
"Your cunt looks like a club seal, fuck you," Armstrong retaliated.
"Fucking that broad is like putting your dick in a bucket of warm milk," Armstrong muttered after she hung up. Armstrong then drained his vodka bottle.
"Who's going to eat the fruit?" he wondered.
"You scared me," laughed Bernstein, admitting that he was of the persuasion and had been married to a man for 13 years. On the subject of contemporary Tinseltown gossip, Bernstein brought up Lindsay Lohan and Armstrong observed, "I'd bang her shadow on a gravel road."
"How the hell did I get on this show?" Bernstein wondered aloud. And when the subject began to stray far from the topic of his book, Bernstein, an award winning author from his tell of it, asked what the fuck he was doing on the show.
Armstrong, who preferred to dwell on the subject of ball sacs, suggested that this was an instance where you fire your publicist for booking the appearance.
Recalling his high school days in New York, Bernstein said he got a lot of sex and recalled a time he slept with the husband of one of his teachers.
"But at this point in my life there are no mysteries," Bernstein said, noting that he wouldn't want to jeopardize the love and trust of a relationship by indulging in indiscrimate behavior. Even with that said, Armstrong wondered if commercials with Chippendales gave Bernstein ideas.
"Those big balls must get to you."
Bernstein considered the idea of fucking a Chippendale tantamount to humping a brick wall.
As the conversation progressed beyond the limits of rescue, Armstrong felt like he was gaying up and ready to play bag tag.
"You think big balls matter?" wondered Lisa Marie.
Armstrong then looked at Bernstein and casually asked him, "Ever jam your balls up someone's ass?"
kc
--Gene Ross Porn Valley- At this point it's unclear whether K.C. Armstrong has been offered the "Oscar-caliber" role to play Jenna Jameson which both Scarlet Johansson and Jessica Simpson have already turned down.
But Armstrong who does have a Tuesday night show on PrimeTimeUncensored, www.primetimeuncensored.com did invite the number one or number two girl in porn [depending whether you're a Jameson or Tera Patrick fan] to be on.
In this case it was Patrick, and Armstrong, anticipating the event, had a full size cardboard cutout of Patrick gracing his set. As it turned out, Armstrong, who tends to run his show like a garage, would have gotten more chitchat out of a jumper cable because Patrick didn't show.
The reasons as they were conveyed were that Patrick had just returned from a trip to Japan and was too exhausted to appear. Which didn't hamper Armstrong who managed to find- on very short notice- Evan Seinfeld and Patrick stand-ins, one could assume, from a bad lookalike contest.
But, judging from his reactions during an earlier interview from hell, author Samuel Bernstein wished he might have had a stunt double.
These are the events leading up to that:
A former Howard Stern acolyte, Armstrong, who subscribes to the theory that everyday's a party, swigged vodka out of a bottle that contained orange slices. Noting how he has a bipolar disorder, Armstrong also sampled Depakote as though it were a party favor, washing it down with the vodka. Where good times are concerned, Armstrong said he was for anything that would make you piss your pants and forget your name.
Still under the impression that Patrick was going to be on the show, Armstrong mentioned that Patrick had started out as a model while he, himself, had belonged to the Ford & Lipshitz agency which apparently booked him for his first gay d.p. If any of that is to be believed.
Armstrong and co-host Lisa Marie, doing her best impression of a biker chick, then got on a discussion about green shit. Armstrong said he was bothered because he took one the other day, while Lisa Marie recalled a diaper changing experience where she had been "traumatized by bright green poop."
"Maybe the baby was experimenting with asparagus in her ass," Armstrong suggested. Then to put a lighter spin on things, Armstrong informed his audience that he had broads on the way down to the studio with kegs coming. Though it sounded like Armstrong was more impressed by the fact that Evan Seinfeld might be in the studio.
Recalling Seinfeld's shower scene from the Oz TV show, Armstrong commented, "This guy's hog is huge- he rides a motorcycle. I'm sure he's got a side car for his penis."
Armstrong was curious whether Jewish men, by and large, have big cocks. Lisa Marie then offered some of her advanced theories which included Latin men and South American geography as it correlates to cock size.
"I'm feeling really homosexual about this conversation," remarked Armstrong as the exchange progressed. Armstrong then played a few minutes of a clip from "Queen of the Hood" a series that features brutal chick fights.
It's all about fists, dirt, blood, punches in the face and women who live in trailers in Chico, California. And, in one sequence, a fat broad gets beaten to a bloody pulp. And one caller-in said he'd fuck the fat chick, regardless.
"If you were with that fat chick there'd be no leftovers," Armstrong surmised, noting that he caters to the type of audience that gets off on this stuff.
"I hate when I'm banging my sister and she calls out my brother's name," continued Armstrong.
Bernstein, who was then introduced, shared his tales of medication and told Armstrong that it's almost the prerequisite of being a writer. Himself on anti-depressants, Bernstein said sex is fine but you have to remember to have it once you're on them.
Addressing the book Bernstein wrote which is titled Mr. Confidential [the history of that eponymous Hollywood gossip mag from the Fifties], Armstrong said Bernstein was an authority on celebrity scandals. An overlooked one being the fact that Paris Hilton has size 11 feet.
"And I heard Howard Hughes was a homo," chimed in Armstrong also of the opinion that Clark Gable had been gay.
"George Cukor gave him a blowjob once or twice," mused Bernstein but thought that wasn't enough evidence to put Gable in the homo category. Bernstein also recalled an untold story where actor Robert Mitchum walked into a Christmas party naked, put ketchup on his penis and allegedly asked, "Which one of you fags wants a hot dog?"
A female caller then told Armstrong he was a dick bag, wondering if he were wearing capri pants.
"Your cunt looks like a club seal, fuck you," Armstrong retaliated.
"Fucking that broad is like putting your dick in a bucket of warm milk," Armstrong muttered after she hung up. Armstrong then drained his vodka bottle.
"Who's going to eat the fruit?" he wondered.
"You scared me," laughed Bernstein, admitting that he was of the persuasion and had been married to a man for 13 years. On the subject of contemporary Tinseltown gossip, Bernstein brought up Lindsay Lohan and Armstrong observed, "I'd bang her shadow on a gravel road."
"How the hell did I get on this show?" Bernstein wondered aloud. And when the subject began to stray far from the topic of his book, Bernstein, an award winning author from his tell of it, asked what the fuck he was doing on the show.
Armstrong, who preferred to dwell on the subject of ball sacs, suggested that this was an instance where you fire your publicist for booking the appearance.
Recalling his high school days in New York, Bernstein said he got a lot of sex and recalled a time he slept with the husband of one of his teachers.
"But at this point in my life there are no mysteries," Bernstein said, noting that he wouldn't want to jeopardize the love and trust of a relationship by indulging in indiscrimate behavior. Even with that said, Armstrong wondered if commercials with Chippendales gave Bernstein ideas.
"Those big balls must get to you."
Bernstein considered the idea of fucking a Chippendale tantamount to humping a brick wall.
As the conversation progressed beyond the limits of rescue, Armstrong felt like he was gaying up and ready to play bag tag.
"You think big balls matter?" wondered Lisa Marie.
Armstrong then looked at Bernstein and casually asked him, "Ever jam your balls up someone's ass?"
kc
posted by Doc at 8:18 PM
