Sal's Wedding Catnip

by I. Humphrey

Some may argue that Gary threw Sal under The Howard Stern Show wedding bus, but I think Sal threw himself under the bus. Sal craves attention, and Howard's wedding would prove irresistible to Sal, the same way catnip is irresistible to cats. Like a Zebra, Sal can't change his stripes. Why would anyone expect Sal to behave differently? So of course, the opportunities to make a spectacle of himself, and act inappropriately in ways large and small would be catnip for Sal. Personally, I can think of nothing funnier, or more amusing than hearing about Howard's wedding disintegrating into total chaos.

Some may argue Howard is acting hypocritically. People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. When Howard was closer to Sal's age back in 1992 or so he behaved terribly at his niece Sharon's batmitzvah. Even Rae Stern publicly admonished her child. Let's go to the video:

Based on this video, how can Howard be mad at Sal? And how can Howard claim the high ground, or profess to be more evolved than Sal? The train that brought Howard to his present position of wealth, power, fame, and the ability to marry a young hottie like Beth also brought a trainload of wacky characters like Sal.

But the real smoking gun is this account of what happened on-air on May 8, 2006 as reported by Marksfrigging.com: "Beth said that she can thank Mr. X for the bruises she has on her legs. Howard said that he heard about this but was told not to bring it up on the air. He heard that Mr. X and Don Buchwald decided to pretend to throw her in Robin's hot tub and she ended up getting hurt. Howard said that he was really pissed when he heard about this too. Mr. X and Don squeezed her ribs and really hurt her. He said he turned around at one point and saw Beth on the ground. Robin didn't see exactly what happened, neither did Howard.

Fred said that there's something about Beth that turns people nuts. He said that guys just shouldn't do that. Howard said he thinks it has something to do with him because weird shit just happens."

During this recent party Sal was well-behaved. Is it fair that Don Buchwald, based on his past behavior is invited to Howard's wedding, and Sal, who has never gotten physical with Beth, and who behaved properly isn't invited?

I rest my case.

For Howardshrine Spews and Views, this is I. Humphrey saying, "May all your pussy be strange pussy beyaaaaatch."