HOWARDOLITICS

by I. Humphrey

Here's my newly-minted word: Howardolitics (Howard + Politics). It's what you get when you combine a famous shock jock, and a 500 million dollar Sirius payday. Namely you get a guy who wants to elect a president who represents the rich. Even if that president would go against everything Howard has said he's for -- gay marriage, a woman's right to choose, and so on. Not even the well-being  of Howard's audience comes into play. Sure there are a lot of wealthy Stern listeners, but from my vantage point, which is shoulder to shoulder with the average Joe, the great majority of fans are from very modest means. 

It must be hard for Robin Quivers, an African American woman, a person who tries to help those less fortunate than her,  a woman who has long loved Howard Stern, and a woman who should be getting married to Howard this very weekend to have to witness Howard's slide to the conservative left politics of John McCain. What a travesty. I'm sure Howard's two closest friends, Fred and Robin must be ready to mutiny or at the least hold an intervention.

Lest anyone have any doubts about the corporate welfare that has taken place this week, or about the welfare for the cold-hearted rich that would take place if God-forbid McCain were to be elected, check out this chart:

McCain has clearly tried to steal Obama's platform of change. This is an insult to everyone with the exception of Gary the Retard, who is of course retarded. McCain represents Bush's third term. We've barely barely barely survived two Bush terms. Heaven help us if were subjected to a third. If you think I'm exaggerating, then please look at this photo of a Siamese twin I call: Bushpain:

Talk about sucking at Bush's teat!

Back to Howardolitics. I implore Howard, if not for his three daughter's sake, then at least for the listener's sake -- please wake up, walk toward the light, and climb aboard the Obama bandwagonn. Make us all proud. Give us back the rebel, and the champion of the downtrodden and just plain demented -- in short give us back the Howard we've all come to know and like a lot in a non-gay way.

For Howard Shrine Spews and Views, this is I. Humphrey saying, "Vote for me, and I'll set you free, Beyaaatch!"