THE WORLD IS ENDING

by I. Humphrey

The stock market is in a tailspin, the government is bailing out multi-billion dollar defective financial institutions, and many lesser-minds in the media believe the vapid Sarah Palin has more depth than a blank sheet of copy paper. It feels like the world is ending. Where can we men of unique vision go for a respite? -- evidently anywhere but The Howard Stern Show.

Even the silenced-voices of the so-called Stern Fan Network are risking extinction, and breaking-cover from their Anne Frank-like attic hideaways for the purpose of uniting their voices in indignation. Mark your calendars, today September 16, 2008 was the worst show in Stern Show history. I don't know who the person sitting in Howard's chair was, but it certainly wasn't the King of All Media. To the faithful, I apologize for my stridency, but on a day like today, there is no other road to travel. How can a realist like myself paint a different picture?

Howard's fiancee Beth is fine -- as long as she doesn't get involved in the show. All this crap with dogs, and working Howard's audience for hand-outs is truly obscene. I'm at a loss for words. I'm grateful for decades of great entertainment. I truly am. But, if these are the kind of Stern Shows we have left to look forward to, then like a relationship that has seen better days, Howard should just quit and make a clean break of it. To do otherwise would be to retire as a joke, a punch line, and a mere shadow of his former self. Even Jerry Seinfeld knew when to walk through the door marked Graceful Exit.

I feel bad, hollow, and empty, but there it is. Sure I could try to stop listening, but hope springs eternal -- and slowing down to observe an accident is a human nature to which I'm not immune. I know the glory that was Rome.

For Howard Shrine Spews and Views this is I. Humphrey saying, "pass me a tissue Beyaaaatch!"

Here's a video of Howard when his testosterone levels were much higher: